Patience and Hope

“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently” Romans 8:25

There is always the waiting.  It has been one week in India, and five days since the surgery, but still we wait.  Since Gabriel’s birth, his parents knew that he was sick.  Since Tetralogy of Fallot (TOF) prevents an adequate blood supply from traveling to the lungs, babies with this heart malformation are often a bluish color, have difficulty breathing, and cry frequently as crying actually provides more oxygen to the lungs.  Without open heart surgery, 40% will die by age 4, and 70% will die by age 10.  Gabriel’s father, having no means to find a cardiologist or to pay for an operation, had been praying for God to provide a way where there was none faithfully, every day, since the discovery that the root of his sickness was a heart defect.  Although I’m not yet a parent, I am pretty certain that I would have already lost hope for my child.

Gabriel was already 11 years old when I met him, although because TOF often results in stunted growth he appeared much younger than that.  For whatever reason, God has had his hand on this child from the beginning.  I am reminded of the gospel of John when Jesus is questioned as to why the blind man he had healed had to be born blind.  “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life” (John 9:3).  For years Gabriel and his family have been waiting to see what God had in store for his life, whether in healing or in death.  For over a year now I have joined them in this waiting, ever since my life became intertwined with theirs, and waiting to see how God would provide.

For some time I have been struggling with knowing whether it is better to hope or to be prepared for the worst.  Which path will prevent the most heartbreak in the future?  But our hope is not in knowing what will happen tomorrow, or in thinking we know what outcome will be best.  Our hope is in the Lord, and trusting that his plans are better than anything we can imagine.  “Who has understood the mind of the Lord, or instructed him as counselor?  Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten him, and who taught him the right way?” (Isaiah 40: 13-14).  And again, “Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, ‘He did not make me’?  Can the pot say of the potter, ‘He knows nothing’?” (Isaiah 29:16)  I am humbled by my lack of wisdom and understanding, and this leads me to greater trust, and with greater trust, hope.  Who am I to say to God: This is not how I would have gone about doing things?  “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him” (Job 13:15).

This may seem easy for me to say when it is not my child.  It has certainly been a long path filled with dead ends and disappointments.  But finally, at 12 years old, God has provided a path for healing Gabriel’s heart and restoring it to normal functioning.  We continue to wait for his lungs to adjust to a normal flow of blood, as he has now spent five days in ICU unable to breathe for very long on his own.  Although the waiting is difficult, and it remains to be seen how all of his post-operative expenses will be covered, our hope is in a God who is big and who has not brought us this far without purpose.  There is a Mary Mary song that continues to resonate in my mind: “Nobody told me the road would be easy, and I don’t believe He’s brought me this far to leave me.”

Sidenote: To read about adopting children with heart defects, go here.

Advertisement